Life in a blog

I’m miserable. Right now, I am very miserable.
But it’s not just me. Or you. It’s the whole country. And you feel it, too. When you’re walking down the street, looking in stranger’s faces. You know they are miserable.

Money. Love. Hate. Work.

No matter how much we try to laugh it away, deep down we know that we are miserable. And it’s not just the unpaid mortgage or the electricity bill...
It’s life, too.

We all need a bailout. We all need to bail ourselves out. The government won’t do it. Whenever a bank is in trouble the common man has to face unnecessary charges for complete bullshit, just so that the billions and billions they owe slowly decrease. Whenever a city decides to invest in a unrealistic and just plain stupid project it’s our money they take if all of a sudden the bill doubles.

But what about us?

Money. Love. Hate. Work.

We need an emotional bailout too. Money worries are the worst, but as soon as you see the light at the end of the long black tunnel, does it get better? No. Sometimes it’s even worse. Too much stress slowly kills us inside. If it’s not the money we’re worried about, it’s people. A fight you had with a friend, a guy that doesn’t call back, a family member struggling with their own problems.

So will this ever end? How can we pay our emotional debts without forgetting the real ones? It’s either or. Either you stop living and pay or you live and fuck up.
Either way, we’re still miserable.

-I feel sick for no reason (no, I’m not pregnant)
-I don’t know if I should put my Manolos on Ebay cause I never wear them anyway
-I have to pay £600 by the end of this week. Right now my balance is £7.03
-My cat keeps eating plastic even though I repeadetly told her not to
-Work annoys me
-I still can’t handle money
-Watching Chéri yesterday broke my heart
-I’m starting to get my hopes up again – unnecessarily
-My cat has an attention problem
-I have no idea how we’re gonna clean this flat until Sunday
-I have a massive wound at the back of my right foot that doesn’t cooperate with shoes
-My dad is slowly dying of cancer

Where have all the good times gone?

Hey guys!

I just wanted to let you know that I've just launched my new blog today... It's called Leaving New York City and it pretty much contains my life since June last year. It's very personal stuff and it's very dear to me so I'd be very very very happy if you checked it out! You can find it on:

http://leavingnewyorkcity.blog.co.uk

and here's a little preview and introduction to it all:

Leaving New York City

Welcome. To my deepest secrets, feelings, happenings, lovers, haters and generally everything I went through in the past year. A year ago in June, I started writing things down. No dark random entries in my little black book, no short stories that I keep to myself, no articles about my views on society, no, it wasn’t like anything I’ve written before.
I can’t precisely remember why I started to write. But I remember making a drink at the coffee shop and suddenly having this idea, this title. „Leaving New York City“.
I have various theories why I chose this title for my collection of texts but they all came after I chose it. You could say that this title doesn’t have any meaning or sense at all, and you might be right. But to me, it just sounded right.

A couple of months ago I spilled water over my laptop and I was facing the possibility of losing everything I had on my MacBook. Everything, including this. I couldn’t bear the idea of having lost almost a year’s writing and that’s what made me realise that I have to put this out there somehow. Not just because it’s safer out there than in here, but I feel that as an aspiring writer I have to get used to the idea of people reading what I put on paper or screen. And I have to be comfortable with it.

This „book“ contains so much. But most of all, it contains nothing but the truth. I can guarantee you right here and right now that there is not even one single lie in here. But I came to the decision that I can not be responsible for putting other people’s truths out there as well and I don’t want to get anyone involved in some kind of trouble or embarassement. So I have decided to change all the names. However, I’m sure you’ll know when I meant you.

And one last thing... please don’t get angry at me for what I wrote. I have thought well about anything I put online and LNYC started a year ago so you know that my views and behaviours might have changed. Believe me, it’s hard enough to cut my mind and soul in little pieces and present them all on one huge platter.
I hope you will appreciate my honesty, be entertained or moved or motivated to think about certain matters and maybe even start putting your own personal truths out there.
Long live the freedom of speech.

Yours truly,
Antonia Landi