Okay.

I've been putting this off for a long time now... I think it is time.

I am, now for all to see, officially staying in Edinburgh.

Don't be sad or mad or start asking questions, don't hassle me, don't make me re-think what I really want.

A lot of things have been going wrong and are still going wrong. Basically my whole "plan" went wrong and the best thing to do would be going back to Switzerland as scheduled, on 30th August. I don't like my flat, I wanna move, I can't get into the University I so wanted to go to, sometimes I don't even have money to eat, my papers are a mess and after all, I am still alone in this city and I don't even have a piano.
But despite all those things, I still want to stay here.

Edinburgh has something of its own... Something that makes you fall in love with it and you can't help it. You can't imagine how often I heard people tell me about how they were suppsed to stay here for a couple of months and now they've been living here for years.
Well... now I am one of those people.

I don't know when I'll be coming back to Switzerland, or if - all I know is that I want to stay here and that is exactly what I am going to do.

My parents keep asking themselves and me what they did wrong and why I don't want to go back. I know that they will never read this, but still: They didn't do anything wrong. YOU didn't do anything wrong. This is just what I have to do now.

And to prevent all those annoying questions: Yes, of course I miss you. Yes, of course it would be cool to hang out together again. But you have to understand... Edinburgh is about three times bigger than Basel and sometimes it still seems too small to me, I would feel completely lost in Switzerland. The UK is a major country (whatever that means), modern music history is being written here everyday, authors, artists and musicians live here, this is where it all happens. I can't go back to a country that holds the biggest Military Tattoo, the legendary Glastonbury festival and probably the most diverse history of literature to a country that is just... small.
I don't feel like I belong in Switzerland... Call me mad but I always had the feeling I was made for something bigger, something with more importance than just the bank secret.
Don't get me wrong, I like Switzerland, it's the place I grew up in, it's where my family is. But my heart always belonged to Italy and now my mind belongs to Scotland.

I don't know what I am going to do here, my rough plan is to work full time until next year and then start University. Don't ask me questions as the answer will be "I don't know". But I'm fine with that now, and you should be too.

And remember... just because I'm not in the same country as you doesn't mean that we can't be friends.

Yours forever loving,
Antonia
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